Illegal Alien
by Whip-Owl
Summary: Greed might be in charge of Ling's body, but said body still did enter Amestris illegally.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter one

(Disclaimer: I don't own FMA.)

Greed's siblings hadn't wanted him to leave Father's lair. He was supposed to guard the tunnels and make sure no one was getting in. But screw that. The only people who were about to get in there already knew it existed. If someone else somehow managed to get in they'd probably run away screaming, or be killed by the chimeras.

His siblings apparently just didn't want him to have fun. It was a lot better out here. Greed had been wandering around Central, striking up random conversations with random humans. Anytime he saw a store with something he wanted, which was frequent, he went, and started buying stuff. Ling had rotated between telling him this was stupid, and telling him what to buy next.

 _"_ _Where did you get this money anyway?"_ Ling asked. All his currency had been Xingese.

Greed laughed as he walked out of an ice cream place. "Prince, my brother rules Amestris. I can have money if I want."

Ling was pretty sure that meant the money wasn't his, but he didn't really care. _"So are you going back yet?"_

"What?" Greed asked. Someone who passed him on the street gave him a weird look. "Why would I go back? Besides, I thought you didn't want to be down there."

It was boring for both of them, and they frequently ended up talking to each other when neither really wanted to.

 _"_ _I don't, but you're not exactly going to Xing, are you? Besides, I think we've been out here nine hours now."_

"Have we really?" Greed asked.

He hadn't actually been paying attention. He'd just been having fun. He was now carrying about ten bags slung over his shoulder, and his stomach was full of ice cream, and other food frankly. Still, he had to go back sometime. He wanted to sleep, and he had to put his bags somewhere. He had a room down in the tunnels. All the homunculi did, but theirs all seemed so empty. What was the point of having a room if you didn't fill it with stuff? This wasn't enough. He'd have to go and find more later.

Well, one way to find out how long it had been. Greed had left at around nine in the morning. He'd just find out what time it was now. He walked up to an Amestrian solider.

 _"_ _Uh, Greed? I wouldn't-"_ Ling started.

Greed didn't pay attention. He usually didn't unless he had nothing better to do.

"Hey you!" Greed called out. "What time is it?"

The man looked at some sort of pocket watch. Not a state alchemist one. He definetly wasn't one of those.

"About six," he answered.

 _What do you know?_ Greed thought. _It really has been nine hours._

 _"_ _There was a clock tower right behind you,"_ Ling told him, sounding awefully tired for a disembodied soul.

Greed straightened up. Ling could hear his thoughts directly?

 _"_ _Aparently."_

"Right, well, see you," Greed said to the soldier. It really probably was a good time to head back.

"Hey wait," the soldier called out.

Greed turned back, a confused expression on his face.

"You're from Xing right?"

Well he technically wasn't, but there was no point arguing that. "Yeah," Greed confirmed with a shrug.

"Oh? Can I see your papers?"

"Huh?" Papers?

 _"_ _Would . . . now be a good time to mention I don't have any papers?"_ Ling asked. Funny, this was the most uncomfortable Greed had ever heard him sound.

"What?!" Greed shouted.

The soldier looked confused now.

 _"_ _I snuck into the country,"_ Ling answered with a mental shrug. _"I'm technically an illegal alien."_

"I got that!" Greed shouted. "I meant why is this only coming up now?!"

 _"_ _It seemed kind of obvious. And it wasn't relevant until now."_

 _Great,_ Greed thought sarcastically. Ling sure didn't seem too upset about this.

The soldier still seemed confused, but he'd at least figured out Greed wasn't here legally. "No papers huh?" he asked. He reached for his belt, or something on it.

Greed whipped around and started running away.

"Hey! Get back here!" the soldier shouted.

He called for more soldiers, and they all started chasing Greed. Greed ran down the street. He made sharp turns down other streets and smaller allies. He tripped over a garbage bag at one point and dropped some of his bags. He scrambled to pick them back up.

 _"_ _Greed!"_ Ling yelled. _"Leave them! You'd move faster without them anyway."_

"I spent nine hours getting these!" Greed replied. "I'm not going back empty handed."

Holding all his bags again, he ran off again.

 _"_ _You're not going back at all at this rate,"_ Ling said. He didn't actually mind too much though. This was much more interesting than guarding tunnels no one came in.

He did turn out to be right. Greed made a few more shar turns and ran through a few more streets, jumping right over someone's cart as they tried to sell things. The person at the cart yelped and ducked. Greed had come very close to kicking him in the face.

Then he turned down an alley that ended in a fence. Greed looked at the bags in his hands. He could hear the soldiers coming closer. Maybe he could just get his ultimate shield out and fight them, but his Philosopher's Stone was pretty empty. Father had made it without many souls. He didn't want to go wasting his ultimate shield.

Greed flung his bags over the fence. He grimaced as he heard something shatter. That was probably the lamp.

Then he jumped onto the fence himself, grabbing the top. Before he could climb over, someone grabbed his jacket. It was one of the soldiers.

"Got you."

Ling mentally sighed. _"Here we go again."_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Envy wandered the tunnels of their home. "Hey Greed! Greed you going to come out?!"

They'd had to go out and get food for Greed, he damn well better come out. Envy wasn't even sure why Greed wanted food, and why it was their job to get it. But Greed wanted food, and the rest of the family seemed to think if they kept Greed down here he wouldn't run away again. So someone had to get food for him.

 _Next time he should just have pizza delivered to one of the secret entrances,_ Envy thought. _That would be a good scare for the human._

Envy searched for a little longer. They called out for Greed a few more times, and even said they'd brought food. Greed didn't show up. Gluttony did when they mentioned food. Luckily, they could get rid of Gluttony.

Envy stopped and tapped their foot against the ground. It was obvious Greed wasn't here. Had he run off again? No. It was less than a week. He wouldn't have disappeared that fast, and with so little trace. Which meant what? Was he lost somewhere? Now how where they supposed to find Greed?

This was the kind of thing Envy would normally go to Lust about. Unfortunately, she was dead, and there really wasn't a good alternative. Sloth and Gluttony were right out. If anything, Greed would babysit them, not the other way around. Envy wouldn't go to Father unless the world was literally ending, and the homunculi themselves weren't causing that. Pride would chew them out for losing Greed, even though it wasn't their job to watch him, and then do jack shit to find Greed himself. That left Wrath. Still wasn't ideal. Wrath would be angry about it, and would probably want to get back at Envy for this somehow. But he could keep a tight lid on his anger, and he was their youngest sibling. If he was going to chew out any of this siblings, he'd at least make it hard to trace back to him.

Envy sighed. Looked like he was going to talk to Wrath.

* * *

"So, why did you come to Amestris?"

"Well, the Prince says he was looking for immortality," Greed answered cheerily.

The soldier, filling out some sort of paper across the table from him, looked at him with an obviously skeptical and impatient look. Greed just smiled back at him. It was a little weird actually. Ling was good at making the smile and cheerful personality hiding something. Greed wasn't, even if it was the same body.

It worked to some degree though, because the soldier looked back down at his sheet. "How old are you?"

"Well that depends," Greed said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "I'm about three days old, but this body is 15."

The soldier didn't look like he believed either of those.

 _"_ _Greed, I know you have a no lying thing going on, but this is upfront even for you,"_ Ling said.

"Well, they're going to arrest me no matter what," Greed pointed out. "I might as well making my siblings sweat a little."

On the one hand, this was a long day, and Ling could have a lot of messes to deal with when he took control from Greed. On the other, he really didn't like Greed's siblings and this could be fun.

 _Well I was already a criminal,_ Ling thought. _I guess it's go big or go home at this point._

(Does pizza exist in the Fullmetal Alchemist world? Does it even matter at this point? Also I feel like, considering Ling literally helped overthrow the government, 'go big or go home' summarizes his visit to Amestris pretty well. I wanted to put it in.)


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

(Well this is very late, but I've given up any hope of being consistent.)

It had taken a while, Wrath dealing with both his Fuehrer duties and his duties to Father, but he had finished work for the day. He was planning to go home to his wife now. So he wasn't particularly happy when Envy, disguised in their soldier form, burst in ranting about Greed disappearing.

"Are you sure he didn't just run away again?" Wrath asked.

"After only three days?" Envy skeptically replied.

Wrath didn't find it that far fetched, but he'd never actually known Greed.

 _I'm going to have to deal with this aren't I?_ Wrath thought. "Fine," he said, curtly. "We'll deal with this. I want you to start asking around with the higher ups, see what you can find out."

Then he got up and walked out. He had some delegating and phone calls to make to find Greed. Envy headed in the other direction. As soon as Wrath was out of sight, they changed their form into him. If they was going to talk to higher ups, they might as well be the highest.

Wrath was the one who found Greed. It wasn't particularly hard. A few phone calls and he managed to find out Greed had gotten arrested for being an illegal alien. It seemed even subdued by Greed, that human still found a way to be a nuisance.

 _Well,_ Wrath thought _, I suppose we still do need to get him back._

He and Envy ended up going to the prison and following a guard as he brought them to Greed's cell. Greed was sitting looking very bored, and seemingly muttering to himself. That changed as the group drew nearer. Greed got up, coming to the door, and smiled.

"Well, if it isn't the Fhuerer himself," Greed said. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

It wasn't a pleasure for any of them, Greed included, but that was hardly the point.

"That's what I'd like to know," the guard muttered under his breath.

Wrath turned to him. "Let this one go. He's commited no crimes."

"He . . . he doesn't have any papers sir," the guard pointed out.

Of course out of the all the guards Wrath could find, he had to get the one who was either brave enough or stupid enough to stand up to the Fuhrer. The fact that both Greed and Envy looked like they were ready to laugh didn't help matters.

"I know," Wrath said. The guard jumped, and Wrath realized he might have let more anger out than he usually did around the soldiers. He attempted to dial it back. "This Xingese man is helping me with a project for our countries. It's complicated, and I can't have many people knowing about it."

Wrath gave the guard a pointed look. If it was confidential then of course they couldn't draw attention to Greed by getting him papers, and the guard would now think he was among the trusted few the Fuhrer had told about this.

The guard still tried to argue one more time. "He, he said some very odd things. Like he was only three days old, and was looking for immortality."

Of course Greed had done that. Why would he ever want things to be simple? "Well I'm sure he didn't think he could tell you the truth. And he can be a bit eccentric."

The guard finally relented. He nodded quickly. "Alright sir. Letting him out now."

He unlocked the door and let a grinning Greed step out. Wrath couldn't say he liked the grin. Did he know how much work it was to come and dig him out of trouble? Is that why he'd gotten into trouble? Wrath's face got a little angrier, at least compared to the one he made around humans, and his hands reached for his sword a little. But he resisted the urge. If he did something like stab Greed, it would be even more work for everyone.

So Wrath gave one of his smiles. "Well let's go now."

"No complaints here," Greed said. He added under his breath, "Except it'll be back to the same old boring routine now. Wasn't it worth it Prince?"

 _"_ _I suppose so,"_ Ling told him. It was hard to hide his mental smile. _"What about you? Was it worth all that stuff, and the Fuhrer's reaction when he finds out you spent his money for it."_

Greed shrugged. "He has a lot, I don't think he's going to notice me taking any," he whispered. Wrath had given no indication he heard. Envy did though, and was giving him a weird look. He supposed it was a weird conversation when you could only hear half of it. "But good point out my stuff. I should go after it."

Looked like he was going to get one more trip outside after all. Assuming no one had made off with his stuff. He expected Ling to point that out actually, but the Prince seemed kind of silent. He eventually broke it with a different problem Greed hadn't thought of, but wasn't particularly surprised to hear Ling point out.

 _"_ _You still broke the lamp."_


End file.
